An Apology of Sorts
by Fiendfyres
Summary: Lily faces, or rather tries to face, an awkward situation born out of misunderstandings and too quick an assumption on her part. L/J one-shot, slightly AU.


This is slightly AU as it was written pre-DH, during the time everyone assumed the infamous Werewolf Incident occurred _after_ SWM (Snape's worst memory). I hadn't posted this story then, and I was debating whether or not to alter it slightly. But I figured it's better the way it is, both in terms of character traits and behaviour. Your comments and critique are of course welcome!

Disclaimer: All characters, terms and settings in this story are the copyrighted content of J.K. Rowling. I'm just playing around and am not profiting from this work in any way.

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An Apology of Sorts

By CascadingCrimson

"_ARE YOU INSANE?"_

Lily cringed as the words struck her with the force of a herd of hundred hippogriffs rampaging through the Forbidden Forest (if it were plausible). _It wasn't right_, she thought sorely. It wasn't fair that those words had to come back to right at that moment, when her mind was already being pressed down under the weight of something she'd considered inconceivable.

'_What were you thinking? Or were you thinking at all?'_

She hadn't realized she was fiddling with her wand again. It was an old habit that she'd acquired in her first year at Hogwarts, something her friends most often attributed to her being nervous. But she wasn't nervous. She would know if she was, right? _Of course I'm not_, she thought with something akin to indignation. Clutching her wand more firmly in her right hand, she paced silently across the lush grounds of Hogwarts castle, quietly berating herself for letting her fall into the situation in the first place.

'_HE COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED! And he nearly was! You could have become a _murderer_!'_

Her steps slowed down as she reached where she had been intending to go.'Me and my big, fat mouth,' she thought with a huff of annoyance. This was all her fault. She'd gone and opened her mouth and landed herself into a mess that couldn't have stunk more than dungbombs. What had _she_ been thinking? Or had she been thinking at all?

"What's done is done," she muttered to herself under her breath, before fisting her hands determinedly and striding out into the open air. The Quidditch pitch looked much larger from this angle; her eyes canvassed the grassy field that seemed to extend from a mile from her left to a mile to her right. Folding her arms across her chest and raising her head to face the clear, opalescent blue sky, she squinted her eyes against the piercing sunlight to spot her quarry.

And it was there, so high that it seemed nothing more than a dot against the infinitely vast sky. She lowered her head and blinked the sun out of her eyes before raising them again. There was no doubt in her mind as to who it was, so she took a deep breath as though mustering her confidence and called out as loudly as her throat would allow her.

"POTT – er, JAMES!"

She waited for a second, then two. The spot in the sky didn't falter, gliding smoothly from one end of the pitch to the other, seemingly heedless of her cry. Taking another deep breath, she called out to him again.

Nothing happened.

Gritting her teeth, Lily resisted the urge to turn back and walk away. Even if he couldn't hear her, she was sure that he'd spotted her, she being the only person on the pitch for all this time. It seemed that she would have to take a more direct approach for attention. Pointing her wand upwards, she cast a shower of sparks as high as they could go.

Nothing.

The dot was now more visible, and she could make out the silhouette of a person riding a broomstick. However, James didn't seem to have noticed the sparks either, because he was flying as blithely as though he hadn't a care in the world and as though she didn't exist. She had become used to this treatment in the past two weeks, but she wasn't going to stand for it any longer.

She knew what he was daring her to do. And though her heart nearly stopped at the idea of it, she narrowed her eyes and fisted her hands again, determined not to back down. '_Fine_!' she called out to the sky, 'If that's how you want it!'

Madam Bletchley's office wasn't terribly far away, but for some reason each step she took lowered her will more and more until she had nearly abandoned the idea altogether. Resolutely, she ploughed on, knowing how strange this would appear to the professor.

"What can I do for you, Miss Evans?" asked Madam Bletchley briskly. "Make it quick, please, I have to attend a meeting in five minutes."

"I was just wondering if – well – if I could borrow a broom, Professor?" asked Lily, cursing herself for the blush rising on her face.

The look of surprise on her face caused Lily to flush even more. It seemed even Madam Bletchley had heard of her dislike for broomsticks.

"I – er - just fancied a bit of flying," Lily said hastily, stumbling over her words and berating herself inwardly for it.

"Of course, Miss Evans. Sign your name here, please." She held out a thick bundle of parchment that had been bounded on one side with magic. "And remind me to cross out your name when you return the broom, won't you?" Lily nodded, did as she was told and marched out with a broom under her arm, the only one that had not seemed dilapidated or hazardous for flying in her view.

Trepidation was rapidly building inside her as she reached the Quidditch pitch. After making sure James had not left the stadium, she held the broom steady in trembling hands and mounted it, giving the muddy ground beneath her a kick to propel herself into the air.

The broom hovered for a second or two in the air, just high enough so that her feet were nearly touching the ground. She took a deep breath and glanced upwards again. Resisting the intense urge to scream out every curse that existed in the English vocabulary at that miniscule speck in the air, she held the broom tightly in her hands, tightened her legs around the handle, and _rose._

The rise was gradual, just as she preferred. Thanking the heavens that her broom wasn't bucking out of her control, she kept rising, higher and higher until she could no longer see her footsteps in the sand, until the ground beneath was an expanse of pure yellow, until the idea of going any further up had her clutching the broom so tightly that her knuckles had turned white.

But James Potter was still a few metres above her, seemingly determined to not relieve her of her discomfort. She gave a huff of fear and annoyance, before giving in and elevating herself higher, until she was nearly his level.

"James!"

James had already turned and was surveying her through his glasses, his head tilted to one side as he considered her. She envied the ease with which he perched lazily on his broom, almost as though it was second nature to him. His dark, messy hair ruffled in the light wind, flopping it over his face and then back endearingly.

There was still a certain amount of distance between them, so much that Lily would have keep to shouting in order to be heard. She flew forwards slowly, not willing to look down, but it seemed that for every few metres that she moved forward, the distance between the two of them remained the same.

She narrowed her eyes again. She couldn't make out the expression on his face, and therefore couldn't glean whether he was avoiding her or toying with her, both of which seemed equally probable at that moment.

"James!" She called out, trying to inject as much of her frustration into her voice as possible. "Stop moving and come here!"

"Why?" It looked as though he'd finally decided to start talking to her.

"Because I want to talk to you, _that's why_!" She yelled, and her bangs flung onto her face. She didn't dare brush it aside for fear of losing her grip on the broom, so she shook her head as though swatting away a bee.

"Well, I can hear you just fine!" He yelled back, "So say whatever you want to!"

"I can't keep shouting like this!" Lily called, knowing full well that he knew too, but persisted anyway. "Come here already!"

He finally listened to her, and Lily found herself sighing in relief. His figure enlarged before her eyes, until she could make out his eyes from his glasses, could read the Quidditch Captain's badge that was pinned to his robes. His expression was decidedly neutral, and he tilted his head again.

"You didn't seem to have so much of a problem shouting earlier," he said, raising an eyebrow.

Lily blushed again, and her words came back to her again. Unfortunately, this caused her to look down, which in turn reminded her that she was hovering several miles in the sky. She shut her eyes instantly and uttered a silent scream, before composing herself and glancing at the person in front of her. James had a smirk on his face as he watched herself hold on more firmly on to her broom, and she had to take a deep breath in order to not snap at him.

"Can we talk about this at a more – appropriate – height, please?" She tried to not sound as though she was pleading, but knew she was failing miserably. James, on the other hand, had taken to flattening his hands on the front of his broom and resting his chin on them, a look of complete calm on his face.

"Why?" He asked her, eyes closed as though he was comfortable enough to sleep, "Isn't this place good enough?"

"You know bloody well it's not," Lily muttered fiercely under her breath.

"What's that?"

"Nothing. Can we _please_ go down now? You've had your fun, it's enough."

"Not really," he said, and she could see the slight shrug that rocked his shoulders. "But since you asked nicely…"

Mercifully, he let the argument go and began his descent towards the ground. Lily sighed in relief, urging her broom to inch ever so slowly downwards. She didn't dare increase her speed for fear of falling off; James, who had been keeping pace with her, stopped suddenly and she looked round. He was watching her strangely.

"What?" Lily said nervously. There was a glint of something in his eyes that she couldn't help be wary off, something that had culminated in hundreds of pranks and other mischief, she was sure. She eyed him warily, but the moment passed and James shook his head, saying, "Nothing, c'mon…"

They had finally descended completely, and Lily resisted an urge to jump off the broom, fall on her knees and kiss the soft, firm, sandy ground beneath. The heady feeling that had overtaken her when she'd been flying passed away slowly, and she was thankful yet slightly suspicious that James had complied with her demands.

"So," he said, and she raised her eyes to meet his. His broom was hanging off his shoulder, and insouciance reeked off every part of him. She wondered for a second if this blithe lack of concern was a deliberate mask. "What did you want to say?"

"Um -" Now that she had finally come face-to-face with James Potter, Lily had no idea how to voice what she wanted to say. Come to think of it, she hadn't really given a thought about what she wanted to say either. She_ had_ thought about apologising for letting her temper get the best of her earlier, but she'd imagined doing this when James would show some sign of open hostility. Lily had to admit: this deliberate nonchalance was even more grating. Her insides were writhing in mortification, and she wondered how it would look if she simply turned her back on him and did a bunk.

A few moments passed in silence. James, who had been wiping his glasses on his robes during that time, pushed them back on his face and looked at her impassively.

"I – er -"

Her embarrassment rose a couple of notches as he shot her a politely curious look. She was sure he knew why she was here, seeking him out for once, instead of the other way round. She could feel her temper sparking, but she clamped down upon it; it wouldn't be wise to get angry now, she thought grumpily.

It seems James had decided to give up the act; he sighed, then flopped down on the soft ground beneath him, putting his broomstick down beside him. He looked up at Lily as she stared at him, then said, "Forget it, Evans."

She felt a little disheartened that he'd decided to revert back to last names again, but ignored the feeling as she perched down carefully opposite to him.

He cut her off just as she opened her mouth to speak. "Just forget it, all right?" he said, a little more sharply than she'd expected. Instead of feeling relieved that he wasn't asking for an apology, she felt worse than she had before.

The next few minutes passed in awkward silence. Lily was avoiding his gaze, wondering whether she really should say apologise now or not, and was feeling ridiculous for prolonging the issue unnecessarily. She really was acting stupid, she decided, and she _was_ going to apologise, whether James wanted to hear it or not. Determined to follow out her thoughts, she clenched her hands and sat up straight.

"Look, James," she said determinedly, meeting his eyes as he raised them, "I can't just let it go like this."

He simply tilted his head and looked at her stoically.

"I should apologise to you -"

"You should," he said, gazing evenly at her.

"And I should be sorry for what I said before -"

"You should," he said again, with the same neutral tone of voice.

"And I should have gotten my facts straight before making assumptions -"

"Definitely," he replied.

"And I should've -" Lily paused and stared at James. The corners of his lips were twitching and, realising he'd given himself away, he turned his head quickly. Lily's mouth dropped open.

"_James Potter!" _She launched herself at him as he burst into raucous peals of laughter, both sounds echoing around them.

"_You – are – such – a – huge – git!" _Lily shouted as she punched every part of him she could reach, but he was still rolling on the floor, laughing hysterically, so hard that he was gasping for breath. He caught hold of her wrists as she continued to try and attack him, amusement still plainly clear on his face, breathing heavily as his hair mussed up even more than usual.

"You – you _should_ try– _oh Merlin_," James mumbled, as he sat up and burst into laughter again, his eyes swimming with tears and shoulders shaking with the effort of concealing his discomposure.

"This is _not_ funny!" Lily shouted at him, so embarrassed that she was sure her face was matching the colour of her hair right at that moment. And yet James was still chortling, his hands holding both her wrists firmly, and she tried more valiantly to wrench herself out of his grasp.

"It is," James gasped, letting go off her hands momentarily to massage his stomach, "It's _hilarious_. You have no idea!"

Lily folded her arms in front of her, huffing, annoyed. "Sure, keep laughing. Have a go at my expense -"

"It's not like that!" James said, visibly trying to stifle his laughter, "I swear, it isn't."

"I'm sure it isn't," Lily said acidly, casting a withering look at him and getting to her feet, "You just like to go off the deep end every now and then, don't you -"

James caught her hand so quickly that she almost fell down again. "Lily, wait -"

"Let go of me, _Potter_," she said frostily, pulling out her wand with a free hand and pointing it at him. "Or I'll make you."

James had finally calmed down enough to speak coherently, or at least it seemed to her. "Lily, wait. I'm sorry, okay? Just sit down for a second."

She plopped down on the ground again, throwing him a dark look as she did so. This seemed to sober James enough, but Lily didn't know for sure. He could be pretending again, she thought resentfully…

Catching sight of the look on her face, he sighed. "Do you have any idea," he said, a small grin lilting his face, "just how funny you can be when you're acting all contrite?"

Lily reddened and James's smile grew. "You don't, do you?"

"You aren't supposed to laugh at people when they're saying sorry," Lily said, annoyed.

"I wasn't laughing at that," James said, his lips twitching again. "Besides, all you did was_ try _to apologise. You didn't actually say sorry -"

Lily's eyes flashed. "What are you talking about? Of course I did!"

"Nope," James said, leaning back lazily and propping himself up by his elbows. He peered at her through his glasses, his eyes twinkling. "You didn't. At first you were just mouthing soundlessly like a goldfish out of water, then you were talking about how you _should_ say sorry -"

"You know what I was trying to say though!" Lily said heatedly, "I still meant it either way." She could feel herself blushing, and was absolutely furious at herself.

James was smirking up at her, but something in his voice sounded sincere as he said, "I know."

"You're still a git, you know?" Lily said, folding her arms more tightly across her chest.

"I know."

"And you're an idiot for making me go through all that."

"I know."

"_And_ you're a pea brain because you could have just told me you're not mad. "

"I know." Now he was definitely humouring her.

"At least we're on the same page," she said, directing a glare at him again. He didn't seem fazed in the slightest.

Instead, James was grinning widely at her, and she found she couldn't keep holding on to her temper. It was impossibly crazy, this effect he had on her. It was infuriating and endearing altogether, with a good measure of bewilderment thrown in. It didn't help that her nerves tingled every time he smiled his mischievous smile at her, and that she found, to her wonderous disbelief, that she _enjoyed_ his company now. Perhaps it had something to do with the spontaneity and radiance he brought to their conversations, his humour that made her laugh even when she was in the most irate of moods. Because it was baffling, mystifying, downright perplexing that this James Potter, who had been a source of constant frustration in the past, was the very same who could tame her temper with just a smile. Lily couldn't imagine how that happened.

The silence that followed was the longest they'd gone through yet, but it was oddly comfortable. Lily relaxed slightly after a while, leaning back just like James had.

"Lily?" His voice broke the stillness that had surrounded them, and Lily turned her head slightly to face him.

"Hmm?"

"Thanks."

She raised herself slightly. "For what?"

"For trying to apolo -" he changed his sentence midway as she gave him a stern look, "for apologising. And understanding, I guess." Lily returned his smile.

"You're welcome."

"I'm not sure I could do that, if I were in your position." He pressed on.

"I think you could." She surprised herself as the words slipped out of her mouth.

James raised himself slightly so that he could look at her properly. "You think so?"

"I do," she admitted, willing herself not to blush.

James turned his head away, but Lily still caught the small smile that crossed his features before he could hide it. She sighed contentedly as she lay back completely, staring at the vast expanse of blue sky above her, uncaring of the way the sand tangled in her hair. She could get used to this, she thought, and a small mischievous smile tugged at her lips as she realised where her thoughts were drifting.

_James Potter, _she reflected with a mixture of amusement and resignation and a reluctant blush, _wasn't so bad._

She threw a glance sideways at James and started as their eyes met. Both looked away quickly, and Lily stifled a grin.

_She could definitely get used to this._

Fin.

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